The Little Poet

The little poet,
That didn’t know it.
Will she go far,
Or will she blow it?

I’ve rhymed this rhyme for many years,
Through sun and storms, smiles and tears.

I don’t remember where it came from,
But it keeps the rhythm, a beating drum.

It takes me home, then beyond the brink,
It gives me pause and time to think.

It reminds me of times not long ago,
When I still had such a ways to grow.

When I was small and careless, free,
My thoughts surrounded what I would be.

The choice to fly or to decay,
Grow up, grow down, or the sides give way.

My fear is that she would condemn,
My roots and the love I have for them.

Would she look at me and appreciate,
The twist and turns and whims of fate?

Could she see across our great divide,
Would she understand my wild pride?

My accounts of life tend to amaze,
But is this far enough to win her praise?

Something inside says… further to go,
Time to fly from this meager plateau.

So off I run, adventures await,
I’m bound and determined to fill this plate.

I’ll heap it high so she can see,
The gifts, the joys bestowed on me.

And when I die she’ll smile and say,
Welcome dear friend, you found our way.

~ Alexandria Englander-Tuttle

The Long Way Home

The long way home winds through forest trees,
Under clouding skies and by salty seas.

She marvels at the crashing waves,
At rocky beaches with driftwood bays.

Dirt and stone, tired and warn
This path I’ve tread since I was born.

The long way home leads far away,
And a blistered soul is the toll I’d pay.

Paid in full for a change of mind
True North, true self, to forever find.

She bends me this way and then turns back
Prayer steps in remembrance of what I lack.

Patience, stillness, and soft hearted ways,
Are the lessons I walked with the passing days.

I learn to wait, to watch, and to wonder
But this lesson was learned through pain and through thunder.

Over the mountains and onto the plain
Open sky, sour heart, and a smile to regain

Then she twisted me round, to see and to hear,
To stand my ground and to face my fear.

I stopped and I looked, long and hard
At a piece of my soul that was blacken and charred.

I see it now, poor sunshine girl,
Shattered little pieces still trying to twirl.

To fit inside your tiny box,
To bend a spine that was made from rocks

But learning to watch, I learned how to see,
Your boxes weren’t made for someone like me.

Facing the wind is how I was built,
To stand and to fight, without sorrow or guilt.

True North, true self, to forever find,
Paid in full with a change of mind.

And the road… it goes ever, on and on,
And I start again with the each rising dawn.

To learn, to praise, to love anew,
This is the blessing I wish for you.

To be self aware and to walk in its bliss,
To pass each day in happiness.

My long way home… it lead far away,
But change will lead me back someday.

~ Alexandria Englander-Tuttle

Into The Kaleidoscope World

The colors are brighter. The sun brings more joy, more laughter, more promise. The nights aren’t sad, or lonely, sleeping in shady color, dreaming in moonbeam light. Singing songs from a different time, from a different age, from a different life.

She has changed the way I look at you, and the person next to you, and ground beneath you, and the sky above you. She bent the way I hear you, and the way the breeze feels, and the way the flowers smell, and the way his kisses taste… She twisted and twirled me. She rearranged my mind. She cooed to the little black rock in my heart, she made it live again, made it believe again. She made me a child again, made my voice laugh again, made my faith breathe again. Melted and molded, styled and shaped. I made her, so she could make me.

Her tiny hands pulled me into the Kaleidoscope World. I left my shell, my cape, my callus nature when I entered into the Kaleidoscope World. And the butterflies gathered in celebration as I landed here with painted wings... over the rainbow and second star to right… inside of the Kaleidoscope World.

I sing bird song in the Kaleidoscope World. I listen to dancing trees in the Kaleidoscope World. I embrace the long grass in the Kaleidoscope World. I play with the chasing waves in the Kaleidoscope World. I race the swirling wind in the Kaleidoscope World. I kiss the pretty flowers in the Kaleidoscope World. I pray in diamond sunshine in the Kaleidoscope World. I believe in fairies and fairy dust in the Kaleidoscope World. I know wild adventures live just around the corner in the Kaleidoscope World. I tell stories to a beguilingly beautiful baby in the Kaleidoscope World. And I love with an abundance that cannot be matched. Not by the stars or moon. Not by the land and seas. Not by heaven above or hell below. I love you with my soul, the infinite part of me, inside the Kaleidoscope World.

And it’s here I will sleep in stillness, dream in color, and die a smiling death… here forever inside the sublime sweetness and the silent serenity of the Kaleidoscope World.

~ Alexandria Englander-Tuttle

If I Could...

These hours are filled with pain for so many people that I love. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I hope you find this poem the comfort it is meant to be.

Sorrows come and sorrows go,
But it’s we who reap the crops they sow.

The leaving does not look behind,
For the mourning it would always find.

But we remain, the mood of black,
For the soul that will not be coming back.

We bow our heads and start to pray,
The price of lonely, our tears to pay.

But, to be one away and watch you fall,
Is my tragic climb up a crimson wall.

I would bear this for you, if I could,
But in misfortune there is promised good.

The horizon glows if you dare to look,
Because God does not live in a Holy book.

He is in the moon’s burning light,
A comfort though this darkest night.

This gift is given when your hope is lost,
It is given freely and without cost.

For you are supported by a sacred host,
The Father, Son, and The Holy Ghost.

- Alexandria Englander-Tuttle

The Golden Soldier

This song is… amazing.

“We’ll have the days we break,
And we’ll have the scars to prove it,
We’ll have the bonds that we save,
But we’ll have the heart not to lose it.

For all of the times we’ve stopped,
For all of the things I’m not.

We put one foot in front of the other,
We move like we ain’t got no other,
We go when we go,
We’re marching on.”

Marchin On – OneRepublic – Waking Up - Track 10



I absolutely love this song! (This video is pretty fantastic too!) It's just hard to describe my feelings. It’s beautiful, but… I feel… gritty when I listen to it.

Just like everyone else I have a past full of pitfalls… things that were disastrous, catastrophic, and just plain tragic. But the one thing I still cling to is… I NEVER GAVE UP. I’m a… serve you your own ass... card carrying... grade A... FIGHTER!

Maybe it’s the artist in me? Maybe I’m just masochistic! But I keep all those awful feelings just as close as I keep all the good. It’s ALL still there. The Good, The Bad, and The Very Ugly. It’s all still there changing me, molding me, reminding me what it means to be here... to be me.

Where I was wrong, Where I was right,
Where the world changed, over-night.

This song feels like a battle cry to that dented part of me. That part that’s just too damn stubborn to lie down and die. That steely part that turns into the storm… That granite part that laughs when the sky starts raining down… That resolute part of me, that spreads golden wings when it all falls apart.

With all of the wars I fought
And so many things I’m not...
With what I have,
I'll promise you that,
I’m Marchin On!

Moments Remembered

Have you ever been lost in an ocean of trees,
Dark earth below a kaleidoscope of leaves?

Have you ever climbed the heights of a steep sloping hill,
Gazed out upon forever and felt your heart fill?

Have you ever ran down the path with arms open wide,
Jumping and laughing and lengthening your stride?

Have you ever laid you head by the river’s bend,
Floating, free thinking with no beginning or end?

Have you ever kissed the red roses like the butterflies do,
Enthralled by fragrance, textures, and a romantic hue?

Have you swung on the swing as high as you’d dare,
Watched the world swimming with wind caught in your hair?

Have you chased the tide as it returned to the sea,
And screamed with delight, feeling nothing but free?

Have you turned your eyes to the clouds soaring high,
And wished you had wings and a hawk’s shrill cry?

Have you conversed with the deer as they grazed nearby,
Whispered understanding through your tone and your sigh?

Have you walked through tall grass and observed your pace,
Marveled at your steps and your inherited grace?

Have you stood on a cliff and looked down from its shelf,
Heart in your throat while you laughed at fear herself?

Have you stared at the stars and shared your dreams,
Danced and twirled, while cloaked in moonbeams?

Have you stood as the rain poured over your skin,
Smiled up at God while he washed away your sin?

All of this is mine,
From my memories grace.
And these moments grand,
I will always chase.

I will tempt fate and follow this lead,
Then sparking, now blazing, this fire I’ll feed.

The hard way and high road is my adventures route,
And I will do far more before my ember dies out.

- Alexandria Englander-Tuttle

The lies cut and the truth burns…

When I was born I was innocent,

When a child, ignorant,

When a teen, arrogant,

When grown, emphatic,

Today… fallible,

Tomorrow… idyllic,

But forever… forever, I will be enlightened.

Raw... just doesn't cover what my heart feels today. The world is dimmer... darker. The dawn didn't smell as sweet and the bird song was just a daydream's mist. The optimist in me is bleeding... poor thing. Red eyes, slashed hands, and bruises like collar of dark flowers, decorations above the heart.

Wish I could tell her that by this evening, everything will be rosy, clean, and bright. But, those words would paper-cut my lips and taste a lie on my tongue. I wish I could hold her to me and tell her that it's not the end of the world, remind her that we've seen worse, felt worse. But, those words, the truth, would scorch from the inside out; leave the stench of burnt flesh in my nose.

So, if the lies cut and the truth burns... silence. Maybe, silence is safest. Stillness. Serenity. Silence.

A Barenaked Complaint!

I have a complaint! A spectacularly huge, horrid, horrendous complain! It’s stuck! LOL, I have a song plastered to the front of my brain. It’s like taffy suctioned to the roof of my mouth, only I can’t stick my fingers in and scrape it away. AHHHHH! It’s wedged in there between Hanson and Limp Bizkit; again I say AHHHHH! It’s not "MMMBop" "Rollin’" around up there, but it’s still a part of "My Generation". ;)

Who needs sleep!?! (Me, Me, Me, I do, I do, I do!) Well, you’re never gonna get it!

DAMN IT!

The following lyrics have been rattling around up there for a week now.

“Who needs sleep?
(Well you’re never gonna get it)
Who needs sleep?
(Tell me what’s that for)
Who needs sleep?
Be happy with what you’re getting
There’s a guy who’s been awake
Since the second world war”

Who needs sleep? - Track 10 - Stunt - Barenaked Ladies

And, yet again I say AHHHHH!

Every morning I sit up in bed; touch my toes to the floor, hands stretch in the air, the yawn trying to blow away my sleepy cobwebs. I enjoy the lovely view out my window and for a moment I’m calm, relaxed, peaceful… then it pops into my head like a personal mantra… (Cringe)

“Wow I slept really well, but I’m still a little tired.”
“But, who needs sleep…” says the tiny circus clown with mismatched eyes, in the center arena of my mind.

And thus it begins again… he follows me into the shower waging his pudgy finger to the beat. He's dancing in the mirror while I'm brushing my teeth and my hair, while I'm applying my makeup. He lingers in corners or on shelves while I’m choosing the day’s outfit. Who needs sleep… when I'm losing my damn mind?

Solution: Time to break the cycle!! Time for new music, Time to change the routine; teeth first and shower second! I refuse to be bought low with yet another morning of taunting questions and perky music quipping in the background. I’M TAKIN MY MIND BACK! (AND I'm given that mini clown the bird as I leave the tent!)

Going early to bed, means I'm early to rise,
And Tomorrow I’ll see the world through rose-colored eyes!

Sleep... zzZzzZzz, I'M UP!

I know EXACTLY how he feels!

Why does Tuesday feel like it's farther away from Saturday (of the coming weekend) than a Monday? Even a Monday morning is more buoyant than Tuesday. Ahh, Tuesday you are the bane of my existence and I wish I could sleep through your droning pace, your snails race, your brightly lying condescending face! Ha Ha, I think I feel a poem coming on...

O, the weary Tuesday dawns,
Rain or shine, I’ve contagious yawns!

I stumble through the morning light,
Chipper, chirpy, smiling bright.

But inside I’m still half asleep,
Dreaming, dozing, sighing deep.

I’m half awake with work to do,
Droopy eyed, can I make it through?

O the dreams I’ll dream tonight,
I’ll curl up warm, hold my pillow tight.

But for now I’ll stretch, eyes open wide,
Cause, If I fall asleep they’ll tan my hide!

Not really! I'm actually one of those few people that love their jobs and the people I work with. My co-workers would definitely point and laugh, I'd never live it down (the taunting would last forever), but I wouldn't be in trouble. :) Life is GOOD!

Enjoy your Tuesday All!

Yours in Earnest...

This is me…
Sincerely.

I am made of light and wings,
Of golden thoughts and other things.

Hair of the russet fire, eye of the earth
Twirling, changing, adapting since birth.

Outer shield, transparent dew,
Cream and rose’s angelic hue.

Voice of whispers, rapture’s truth
Glowing shell, my naive youth.

My eyes are wide with love’s ripe joys
Wind carries music, a song bird’s noise.

Can you hear it, touch it, taste it, gone.
Vanished, dancing in tomorrow’s dawn.

Floating, Flying… Flying, Flown
Childhood flickers and I am grown.

Straight… small
Standing tall.

Stronger grace,
Smiling face.

I cannot be caged, will not be caged
For the keeper, A keeper’s war to be waged.

When I’m free to be here, it is here I will stay,
Nested in flowers, my head will I lay.

Bluest of skies, friend of my heart,
For now and for always, never feather apart.

~ Alexandria Englander-Tuttle